009: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 1) — Should

Are you “shoulding” all over yourself? The word “Should” happens to be one of the most insidious in the English language. In today’s episode, we talk about how: Psychoanalyst Karen Horney called “The Tyranny of the Should” this tendency to create an idealized self and a rejection of the real self. Albert Ellis spoke aboutContinue reading “009: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 1) — Should”

008: There Are Only Three Kinds of Business

Byron Katie likes to say that there are only three kinds of business in the world: mine, yours, and God’s. God’s business refers to the forces of Nature or to events that are beyond human control. Your business, is someone else’s life, including what they feel, think, and choose to do. My business is what’sContinue reading “008: There Are Only Three Kinds of Business”

007: What Is Enlightenment?

We’re taking a left turn, today, from cognitive theory, and we are going to talk about spirituality and the place it occupies on the path to peace. My Path I refer to Sam Harris’s book, Waking Up, and I quote from an episode of his podcast, Making Sense. The book Ashrams, by Arnaud Desjardins, isContinue reading “007: What Is Enlightenment?”

006: Thinking Traps (Part 3) — Personalization

The next 4 Thinking Traps are grouped under the category Personalization. We commit these distortions when we cannot step outside of our own egocentric perspective. Thinking Traps: Personalization Personalization (Me, Self-Blame) Helplessness Blame (Them, Other-Blame) Always Being Right Emotional Reasoning (Naïve Realism, Affective Realism) Should (Should Statement, “Musturbation”) Perfectionism Comparison Fallacy of Fairness Antidotes Reattribution Continue reading “006: Thinking Traps (Part 3) — Personalization”

005: Thinking Traps (Part 2) — Arbitrary Inferences

The next 4 Thinking Traps I am going to talk about are grouped under the category Arbitrary Inferences. They consist of making interpretations without having examined all the data. Thinking Traps: Arbitrary Inferences Jumping to Conclusions (also: Inference-Observation Confusion); Fortune Telling; Mind Reading; Labeling (also: Mislabeling) Antidotes Examine the Evidence Consider Alternate Possibilities Keep aContinue reading “005: Thinking Traps (Part 2) — Arbitrary Inferences”

004: Thinking Traps (Part 1) — Thinking in Extremes

We’re looking here at the most common Thinking Traps, especially the ones that cause mental distress.  Cognitive Distortions vs. Cognitive Biases The difference between Thinking Traps (Cognitive Distortions) and Thinking Errors (Cognitive Biases) is that Thinking Traps result in difficult emotions, in mental distress, and in psychopathology. Cognitive Biases are more broadly related to anContinue reading “004: Thinking Traps (Part 1) — Thinking in Extremes”

003: Emotions Are Constructed

Let’s talk about emotions, today. Notice that I normally tend to use the word “emotions,” rather than the word “feelings.” The word “feeling” often tends to be ambiguous. When I used to ask untrained clients a question like “What are you feeling?” they would invariably answer in a sentence that started with, “Well, I feelContinue reading “003: Emotions Are Constructed”

002: Core Limiting Beliefs

There is a hierarchy in our negative thoughts: Automatic Thoughts, Conditional Assumptions (or Rules), and Core Beliefs (or Core Limiting Beliefs). Those form the foundation of our identity. They are the central beliefs that we maintain about ourselves, others and the world. We have mentioned this hierarchy in the previous episode. In this episode, weContinue reading “002: Core Limiting Beliefs”

001: You Feel the Way You Think

In this first episode of the podcast, I talk about how our thoughts influence our emotions. This principle was discovered—or rediscovered—by American psychologists and pioneers of the cognitive model, Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck. They were drawing on ancient wisdom, such as that of Greek philosopher Epictetus, who wrote in his philosophical manual, the Enchiridion:Continue reading “001: You Feel the Way You Think”